Big thinkin'

xicacha:

Is it ok to whine here? Is that what this is for? Cause I’m about to do a LOT of whining.

I’m probably a few years too late on this (I’m a late bloomer in general so in the grand scheme of things I guess this fits) but I’m totally going through a quarter life crisis. Its fucking my days up. I’m in this mode where I’m like…I’m 31 and useless? And the best days of my life are probably behind me (which is scary cause…I haven’t had too many)? And I’m gonna die alone in my apartment, but I won’t decompose there because my mother calls me approx ten times a day and WILL call the police if I don’t answer by like the third phone call so at least there is that.

Of course, if I outlive her, I’m fucked. Cause no one is checking for me on the daily.

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I’ve never figured out how to send messages on Tumblr or else I would have responded that way.

I just felt really compelled to tell you that I have been there. I’ve so been there.

The turning point, for me, was getting a life that I actually enjoy. And that makes it sound WAY easier than, ultimately, it really is but I can tell you that nothing has been worth more. Nothing. I mean it cost me a house, a marriage, all my money, most of my friends and for awhile it even cost me my good hair days. But, I wake up every day and never regret it. Never. Ever. I still have bad days but they’re just “fuck it” days not “oh my god i’m gonna die alone and no one loves me” days. Mostly that’s because even my worst day now is better than my best day then.

It feels like it took me forever to get here but I did the math recently and it took me exactly 21 months, 16 days to get from there to here. And I was MAJORLY screwed up. God knows if I can get here you can, too. :)

Screw losing weight. That’s the suckiest motivator ever created. Do something you really want to do, consequences be damned.

You is smart. You is kind. You is worth more. Or whatever the hell that white woman says in that movie. LOL